Limiting Beliefs: Why We Confuse Struggle with Success

There’s a game my kids play called Yellow Car. You might know it. Whenever one of them spots a yellow car, they shout “Yellow car!” at full volume and whack the person next to them. It’s a nightmare but after a few blows, something amazing happens. I start seeing yellow cars everywhere.  All the time.

They were always there, but now my brain has decided they’re worth noticing.

That’s how attention works. The moment something feels relevant, your brain tags it as important and begins scanning for it. It’s called the Reticular Activating System (RAS), a network in the brain that acts as a filter for what gets through to your awareness.

It’s why when you’re thinking about buying a certain car, you suddenly see it at every junction. Or when a friend announces their pregnancy, it feels like the whole world is full of baby bumps.

Our minds are constantly looking for patterns that match what we already believe matters. Which is useful, until it isn’t.

Because that same system is what keeps our limiting beliefs alive.

How the Brain Turns Thoughts Into Rules

A limiting belief isn’t always dramatic. It’s often an everyday assumption that quietly shapes how you see the world:

“I’m not confident.”

“I’m bad with money.”

“Things have to be hard to be worthwhile.”

Once that idea takes root, your brain gets to work proving it right. That’s confirmation bias, your mind’s habit of collecting evidence that supports what it already believes.

If you think you always leave things to the last minute, you’ll remember every time you rushed and forget the times you were early. If you believe rest is indulgent, every time you sit down you’ll feel slightly uneasy.

Your RAS filters your world to match the belief. And because your brain loves consistency, it keeps showing you proof that you’re right.

We don’t see life as it is. We see it through the lens of what we already believe.

The Subtle Rules We Inherit

Many of our strongest beliefs aren’t even ours to begin with.

At school, we learn that effort earns approval and mistakes earn criticism. At work, long hours are praised more than clear thinking. Online, hustle is celebrated as ambition.

Over time, the message becomes: If it’s not hard, it probably doesn’t count.

Psychologist Jeffrey Young calls this the Unrelenting Standards Schema, the belief that we must always be achieving, improving or performing, and that what we do is never quite enough.

You see it everywhere:

• The colleague who can’t switch off.

• The parent who feels guilty for resting.

• The person who finishes a project and immediately moves to the next one.

These aren’t personality flaws. They’re old mental settings that once helped us feel safe, responsible or accepted. They just never got updated.

Why Limiting Beliefs Feel So Convincing

Limiting beliefs rarely sound unreasonable.

“That’s just how things work.”

“If I stop pushing, I’ll lose momentum.”

“Nothing good comes easily.”

They sound practical. They sound familiar. And because they’ve been with us for so long, they start to feel like facts.

But familiarity and truth aren’t the same thing.

Sometimes the ideas that feel safest are the ones quietly holding us back.

The Goal Isn’t to Lower Your Standards. It’s to Soften Them.

You don’t need to give up ambition. You just need to stop making struggle a condition for success.

Softening your standards means bringing more flexibility, self-awareness and kindness into how you define “enough.”

Here’s where to start:

1. Awareness: Notice the voice that says, “Not enough yet.” You don’t have to fix it, just recognise it.

2. Reframe: Ask, “Is this my standard, or someone else’s?” You might be following rules that never belonged to you.

3. Self-kindness: Be gentle when you rest, make mistakes or change your mind. Growth isn’t linear.

4. Challenge perfectionism: Experiment with “good enough.” Often, it’s the space where creativity and calm meet.

5. Reconnect with joy: Make time for things that aren’t about achievement. The small, ordinary things that make you feel more like yourself.

Each time you practise this, you’re teaching your brain that balance and ease are safe. That success doesn’t have to cost your wellbeing.

Choosing Better Beliefs

Once you see how beliefs work, you can start choosing them consciously.

Think of it as updating the software your brain runs on.

1. Decide what you want to believe.

Start small. “I can succeed without burning out.” “I learn quickly.” “Looking after myself makes me better for everyone around me.” Choose something that feels possible but new.

2. Look for small evidence.

The brain won’t accept a belief without proof. Collect small examples that back it up — one easy success, one productive pause, one moment that went better than expected.

3. Say it aloud.

When something works, name it: “That worked, and it didn’t need to be hard.” Repetition builds trust.

4. Write it down.

Keep a note of the days that flowed easily. The more you notice ease, the more your RAS tags it as important.

5. Surround yourself with examples.

Notice people who work with clarity rather than chaos. Let their approach show your brain what else is possible.

Over time, your new belief starts to feel familiar. And familiarity is what the brain calls truth.

You’re not pretending. You’re building new evidence for a healthier way of thinking.

A New Kind of Success

Real success isn’t about working harder or proving more. It’s about finding a rhythm that’s sustainable. When we stop equating struggle with worth or deservedness, we make room for clearer thinking, better decisions, and a steadier kind of motivation.

Balance isn’t the opposite of ambition. It’s what allows it to last — because we don’t see life as it is, we see it through the lens of what we believe.

When we update those old, effort-driven beliefs and replace them with ones rooted in balance, trust, and possibility, the world begins to shift around us. We start noticing opportunities where we used to see obstacles, moments of flow where we once saw friction, and signs of progress that used to go unseen.

The more you believe ease and success can coexist, the more evidence your brain will find to prove you right.

And just like that, the landscape changes — not because life got easier, but because you started looking through a different lens.

About the Author: Jules Little is a coach, speaker, and founder of Good Little Journals.

She helps people build confidence and clarity through simple, actionable habits that work in real life. Her approach blends coaching, psychology, and kindness to help people move from over-efforting to ease — and still achieve extraordinary results.

Jules delivers workshops on Impostor Syndrome, Values, and Limiting Beliefs, as well as tailored wellbeing sessions to help teams feel stronger, more balanced, and more effective. She also offers one-to-one coaching for deeper, personal support.

If there’s something specific you’d like her to cover, just let her know.

julietlittleco.com | Instagram @julietlittleco