How to Overcome Imposter Syndrome: Why Confidence Comes Second.

Here’s something no one really tells you:

Confidence doesn’t come first.

You don’t feel sure of yourself and then get started.

You get started, and somewhere along the way — after the uncertainty, the awkwardness, the quiet panic of “what am I even doing?” — you find your feet.

You try.

You practice.

You get a bit better.

And eventually, you feel something that looks and sounds and feels a lot like confidence.

But that bit comes later.

The Familiar Voice of Imposter Syndrome

If you’ve ever stepped into something new — a job, a project, a room full of people you admire — and thought:

“They’ve made a mistake.”

“I’m out of my depth.”

“Soon they’ll realise I’m just guessing.”

You’re not alone. And you’re not wrong, either — you’re just early.

That voice? It’s called imposter syndrome.

And it usually appears when you’re doing something brave.

Something you care about. Something that stretches you.

Which makes sense, doesn’t it? The more something matters, the louder the doubt tends to be.

The Rope Bridge

If confidence lived somewhere, I think it would be on the other side of a rope bridge.

At first, the bridge feels impossible. It sways. The wind picks up.

There are gaps in the planks. You don’t want to look down. You definitely don’t want to fall.

But you put one foot in front of the other.

You inch forward. You hold your breath.

It’s not elegant. It’s not easy.

But eventually, you get across.

And the next time you do it, something changes.

You remember where the missing rung is.

You don’t grip the ropes quite so tightly.

You start to trust yourself.

Do it often enough, and one day you’ll cross that bridge while holding a coffee in one hand and making a to-do list in your head.

That’s how confidence works.

It arrives after the doing.

The Confidence Loop

There’s no trick to it. No shortcut.

It goes like this:

Try → Practice → Competence → Confidence → Repeat

Confidence doesn’t come first.

It comes second.

It’s built through repetition, through showing up again and again until one day it feels… not easy, but familiar.

What About the Fear of What Other People Think?

Even when we understand all this — the bridge, the loop, the logic — there’s still one thing that quietly gets in the way for so many of us:

The fear of what other people might think.

It’s not always the task that feels scary. It’s the idea of being judged. Looked at. Misunderstood. Not liked.

Posting online. Speaking in a meeting. Standing up in front of a room.

It’s not the doing that’s terrifying — it’s the being seen doing it.

But here’s what some of the best coaches and thinkers remind us:

• Mel Robbins says:

“People aren’t thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are. They’re too busy worrying about what you think of them.”

• Michael Gervais teaches:

“Courage isn’t the absence of fear. It’s the ability to be in fear and still go forward with your values.”

• Brené Brown reminds us:

“If you’re not in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.”

So what do we do with that fear?

We remember that judgment is part of visibility.

That staying small comes at a cost.

That most people are rooting for us — and the rest probably aren’t paying attention.

Confidence doesn’t come from being liked.

It comes from living in line with what matters to you.

From showing up even if your voice shakes a little.

Five Things That Help - How to overcome imposter syndrome

Start before you feel ready

You won’t feel ready. Start anyway.

Flip the thought

Instead of “I can’t do this,” try “This is new for me, and I can learn.”

Keep a confidence file

A folder, an inbox, a notepad. Somewhere to store every “well done,” every “thank you,” every “you handled that brilliantly.” It’s your quiet proof.

Use the hairband trick

Wear one on your wrist. When the doubt kicks in, give it a little snap and ask, “What else might be true here?”

Make practice the habit

You don’t need to go big. Just repeat. Tiny reps count.

And if you’re still unsure?

That’s fine.

You’re probably just crossing the bridge.

Keep going.

It’s wobbly for everyone at first.

But the other side is real — and waiting.

Confidence comes second.

But it comes.